Darkside Ravings

I'm having a wee go with LiveJournal as I have a few mates on it. You can see it over here:

Darkside Ravings

petermorwood - RIP

My friend's mother died this morning. She was a great lady and, though I never met her more than briefly, she was such a character and I heard so many tales of her that I feel the loss quite keenly. My thoughts and sympathies are with Peter & his family.

petermorwood - RIP

Another damp patch on the year

Just back from the annual trip to Fort William Highland games and, yes, it pissed down on us all weekend.

Poor Stoney will have weeks of getting the gear sorted, dried & cleaned. And yet we still go there every damn year...

Review: Transformers

I've really been looking forward to this one. Which is a bit of a surprise as I couldn't be arsed with the original series. Trite morals, unimaginative scripts and cheap animation wrapped up in a huge advertising campaign just didn't, for some obscure reason, encourage me to watch it. Odd that...

My initial reaction to the idea of a 'live-action' version of this was "Oh no! That'll be crap." took its first hit when I saw the Renault? ads. That shows how good the campaign was, I remember the ad but not the model of car. Limitead as they probably were for some French car manufacturer's sales they did convince me completely that transforming robots in a real-life setting could be done believably. Then I saw the trailers and I thought "That looks like fun!"

Of course, by this time, the nay-sayers were panicking about the director being one Michael Bay. Let's be honest, both his producing and directing credits include some total turkeys. Pearl Harbour anyone? The likes of The Rock gave me hope, though. Yes, his work is totally overblown, generally shallow, and often patronising. He uses a LOT of product-placement. Oh! Wait. That sounds like just the guy for this job, then.

So, we went along (Yes, both of us as Abby was actually off!) and, as expected had a rip-roaring old time. It is everything those nay-sayers said it would be; overblown, self-indulgent and full of product placement. It is also fun, smart and much more grown-up that I thought it would ever be allowed to be, considering that it's still pretty much just a big commercial for the toys. One of my friends had taken her kids along and they absolutely loved it, as the bruises on my thigh will attest to how much the nearest one jumped and bounced in his seat. Finally, someone jumped and laughed more than Abby!

Are there negatives? Hey! It's me!

It has the corniest voice-over opening I've heard in years which, aprt from the cheese factor, manages to contradict the later script by claiming that the Transformers originated on 'The Cube' (Ah! They're Borg, then.) and not on Cybertron as is stated later. The script's full of holes like that. I mean, DefCon Delta? What was up with good-old DefCon One? Not Sci-Fi enough? The technobabble factor is off the scale. Megan Fox, though gorgeous is about as believable as a teenager as the cast of Happy Days (too much time in the sun, m'lady) and is definitely not someone you'd accuse of wearing a training bra. And the film reference in-jokes are often almost too obscure to notice. (Amongst others I spotted Terminator, Kill Bill & The Matrix)

Worst of all for an action movie is that the action is shot in such a way as to be almost incomprehensible. It becomes not only very hard to track what's going on, but which Transformer is involved. It's almost as if Mr Bay didn't trust the CGI to look good enough to be shown clearly in the fights. Perhaps this is the reason it all just starts to get a little dull. If you're lost and can't actually root for the good guy it's hard to stay involved. Of course, about 2/3rds of the way through it seems as if Mr Bay has enough of the story and just goes all out on the action and that means it goes on for a looong time. Sadly, it begins to feel like it and, again, it's mostly because it's poorly shot. This is a great pity, because the fights are brutal. None of that namby-pamby crap from the series. These are giant, heavy, armoured and armed killing machines. Bits get broken off, people die, buildings get flattened and, best of all, Furbys get blown to bits. Not sure that's quite how Hasbro wanted their products placed, but it made me laugh.

This could, and should have been a great action film. It misses the mark, but not by much. It is thrilling in places, just not enough, and it is great fun. As with most Hollywood actioners it requires brains be checked at the door for maximum viewing pleasure.

Afterwards ask yourself these questions:

1. Why does the Spark only seem to produce Decepticons?
2. Why is there an Australian student working for the NSA? (Rachael Taylor). And just what purpose does her character actually serve?
   
3. How did they manage to get an actor to play a character with a weird name who managed to have an even weirder name that his character? (Shia Saide LaBeouf)
4. After causing untold havoc in a VERY public fashion, what makes Optimus Prime think that the Autobots will be able to "[hide] in plain sight." and which American government would allow them to?
   

Simp ME

Simp ME, originally uploaded by targaid.

Fame at last! My 'appearance' in the Simpsons Movie.

If only it weren't nothing more than a mock-up.

Lousy Timing

Just as I get my feet cleared of all the junk that's been lying around here, mum gets offered free central heating replacement and I have to go clear all my Star Wars stuff out of the loft. So now I'm even worse off than I was before I started to tidy up!

Darnit!

Mind you, it's reminded me of stuff I'd forgotten I have and of how cool some of it is. I still really like the Y-Wing for the action figures, for instance.

Other than that, it's eBay once more.

Boing Boing: Senator Vitter’s "suppressed statement"

Boing Boing: Senator Vitter’s "suppressed statement"

This is really funny.

I have absolutely no clue who this seantor is, but I'm off to find out and to find out why he's getting the piss ripped out of him.

Simpsons Movie Embargo

I got my list of review films through the other day and it included what looked to be a fantastic day on Monday with both The Simpsons Movie and Transformers on the same day. Not only that, but Abby was off, too! This kind of miracle almost never happens. So, imagine my dismay when the following morning another mail comes through telling me that Fox have banned all but the print media from attending the screening.

When a company goes out of its way to stop reviews from getting out before launch it usually means that the film is utter pants. Now, I've seen trailers for The Simpsons and it looks rather good, so what's really at stake here? I mean, it's not like there are likely to be any big spoilers we can give away, is it? Even if there are, what's to stop a newspaper hack from posting a review on the paper's site or going onto his personal blog or logging into a site anonymously and doing just that, anyway? Are they somehow more trustworthy than I am? Apart from anything else, you can already buy the damn thing on DVD! Sometimes you just gotta respect the pirates ability to get their hands on things.

I'm trying to get beyond this because I want to see this film, but just know that the audiences for it will be filled with my worst nightmares. If I don't get along this will mean it'll be ages before I see it. If I even make it to a cinema.

***UPDATE***
Just as I posted this I got a mail from a colleague saying that the list has been extended to broadcast media. Apart from the fact that the Internet IS a broadcast media in many ways, it seems that it's discrimination against online reviewing. Why don't they want reviews on the net? Is this just some petty swipe at the net and against pirates? A lot of these suits have so little comprehension of computers, the Net & how they work that they seem to be unable to differentiate between legitimate workers and pirates illegally copying discs and file-sharing on them.

***UPDATE 2***

At the Transformers preview today I heard from quite a few journos who didn't get to go and quite a few who had decided not to go after the way many others were treated. This latter group cited friends of theirs who were invited to the London press screenings only to discover that all they were shown was 10 minutes of film.

How to get good reviews, boys!

And, no, I didn't get in and, no I probably shan't bother, either. Let's face it, it's no more than an extended episode and has nothing that makes seeing it in a cinema essential. That's not sour grapes, by the way, it's always been my attitude to going to the cinema. I want something to make it worthwhile getting off my lazy ass and spending all that money to sit with proles munching sweets and talking on phones. This doesn't qualify.

Change?

Speaking of change, is anyone else getting fed up with shop staff just not bothering to give small amounts of change?

For example, feeling a bit peckish the other day I went into KFC and ordered one of their mini-fillets. Just right for a quick bite and probably the healthiest way to eat fast-food. I handed over a £2 coin for this 99p munchie and was given a pound coin in return. When I asked for the penny you should have seen the look I got. Low-brow wage slave behind the counter then says "I've nae pennies." and turns his back.

Not a good way to deal with me.

"Then you'll have to give me a 2p, won't you?" says I. The glare in return for this one almost rivalled one of my own dirty looks, but since he wasn't able to outstare me he then made a big thing of asking the other cashiers for a penny. This is when it became apparent that none of the tills had them. So, is it company policy in the hope that no one will ask? Think about it, most of their products cost something and 99p. They'll see, at the very least 100s of customers every day. Multiply that worldwide and the amount to be, effectively, stolen from their customers is in the millions of pounds.

Don't let the bastards away with it!

When I got my change -practically flung at me - I made a point of very ostentatiously putting it in the charity box. I didn't need it and, had it been in a corner shop & they'd explained, that would probably have been fine. Probably wouldn't actually happen in such a place, mind you.

But that ignorant wee butt-fuck just got my back right up. If I hadn't been in a good mood it might have been calling the manager time.

Brass Neck

Wandering through town today I was approached by a bloke who muttered something at me. Asked to clarify himself he said "Help out a beggar?"

Bastard was listening to an i-pod, drinking a latte from Starbucks and had highlights in his hair.

Care to guess how much money he got?

First correct guess wins 10x that amount.

Review: Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix

Harry's latest cinematic outing is likely to be the biggest children's movie of the Summer. After Shrek the Third proved to be such a washout and FF4 proving to be rather less than fantastic it's left to the boy Wizard to take up the slack in the family movies department. He does it pretty well.

The Weasley brothers all steal the show, with the twins doing rather better out of it this time around than Rupert Grint. Imelda Staunton is perfection as Dolores Umbridge and shows Helena Bonham Carter how to do character without descending to caricature. Speaking of which, you'd think that Emma Watson could have developed some degree of subtlety by now. The girl seems only able to act with her, nonetheless impressive, eyebrows. When you see this count how many scenes she does before she manages not to look like she's trying to audition for a one of those period bodice-rippers. Here's a wee acting tip for you, hen; stop top-breathing.

Daniel Radcliffe does seem to have benefitted from his time in the West End and has settled into a much stronger performer, albeit still saddled with a dull character. The problem with being the hero is that you're usually just no fun. Normally there's a side-kick who has to have everything explained to him so the audience can get a handle on the situation. Ms Rowling decided to make the hero the outsider who has to have everything in the Wizardly world explained to him. Therefore he's not only dull, but stupid-seeming, too. You'd think by his fourth term he'd have got a better handle on the place by now.

The script, despite the tone of the book, is not as dark as the last installment and has pared the flabby text down considrably. This time around perhaps a little too much. The direction is competent and pacey, if not exactly inspired.

Then we come to the effects. Despite being done by ILM this film has been smitten with some of the shoddiest CGI I've seen in recent years. Hagrid's brother and the Centaurs being particularly poor. In the scene where Dolores Umbridge is carried off by the latter, her model looks like a doll, although, in fairness, that kind of movement is still very hard to depict believably.

In short, a fine, entertaining film which manages to rise above both its own failings and those of its source material.

BBC NEWS | UK | Are UK's imams modern enough?

BBC NEWS | UK | Are UK's imams modern enough?

Well worth reading and realted to the previous article.

There are many more issues than this, but it surely is an important factor?

Odd Brushes With Fame

LAst week we did a gig up at Urquarht Castle. Some years ago we also did the promotional video for the, then, new visitor centre and this was our 1st chance to see it.

The staff tell us that it was cut by about 15 minutes last year to get more touroids through the cinema. That must be where all the actual fights went. Not to mention all the footage from the full day we spent up in the hills.

What's weird is going in & having my image all over the place. Of course, it's been silhouetted, but I know who it is. I'm also on a range of fridge magnets, a badge and a notebook cover. All I need now is an action figure and I'll have the full set.

It would have been nice if they'd paid me for the use of my image, mind you. Or is that why it's all been silhouetted, perhaps?

BBC NEWS | Scotland | Glasgow and West | Hundreds attend anti-terror rally

BBC NEWS | Scotland | Glasgow and West | Hundreds attend anti-terror rally

Hear, Hear!

If I had known this was on, I'd have gone along. There wasn't nearly enough advance media coverage of this highly important event.

Hopefully this is why it wasn't terribly well attended, but it was a good start.

Shame on those who chose to participate in a sectarian march on the day this took place. Sectarianism is what is creating the world's most terrifying problems right now and it's time Glasgow stood up to its bigots in whichever shade they occur.

Tech troubles (again!)

My PC is a very sick puppy right now. It resets itself about every 5 minutes which is not only bad for the hardware, but has probably humped my Windows installation, too.

Doesn't take much to figure out why I christened the thing 'You Bastard', does it? I think it's more awkward than Pratchett's camel ever was.

*** Update***

Whilst disconnecting things to take the PC away today I noticed that there was an odd noise coming from the USB hub. It's disconnected at the moment and, so far, all's well. Apart from having run some checks & discovered that my secondary (larger) hard drive has begun to develop faults.

Glasgow Airport Attack

Warning! Contains some pretty foul language.

So, Tony & George's foreign policies have now brought the terrorist attacks to Glasgow. Can't say it's a big surprise.

I had a wee bet to myself to see just how long it would be on news reports before someone used the phrase 'fears of a backlash against Muslims' and even I underestimated it. Less than one minute into the first news report I saw. This morning I heard a call from a British Asian woman who had been stopped and searched by the police whilst driving in the vicinity of one of the attacks. By her own account the police were courteous, polite and even somewhat apologetic, yet she still claimed to have been traumatised by the incident. She said she was 'terrified' and left 'shaking' afterwards. By police officers who asked her permission for everything they did and were polite to her? How does she think those families at Glasgow Airport were left? Or the people who tried to help what they thought were victims of a car crash and who were attacked by terrorists?

Bashir Maan was quickly on TV condemning the attacks on behalf of Muslims, but as usual most of his comments were directed at making sure the rest of us don't blame his community. I agree that ordinary Muslims are every bit as outraged as the rest of us. I know that Moderate Islam is as contemptuous of these maniacs as the average Irishman was towards the paramilitaries operating from within their community. What doesn't help is when your representative thinks you're all doing your bit for national security by 'not listening' to the hate-mongers who attempted to spread their vileness in the mosques in Glasgow. Yep, that's right, the hard-line fanatics came to Glasgow and attempted to spread their hatred here. What did the Muslim community do? Asked them to leave the mosques.

Whilst I applaud that reaction, maybe the rest of us would feel more like they're doing something to counter this terrorism if they had called the police and had them arrested for spreading religious hatred.

The woman I mentioned earlier was complaining about how "all brown people are now suspects." Well, sorry, ma'am, but that's what happened to the Irish and to every group whose lunatic fringe began to attack the rest of society in this most cowardly and indiscriminate fashion. The biggest change in that perception of the Irish and, in my opinion, the biggest single contributing factor to the beginning of the peace process in Ireland was when two ordinary Irish mothers took a very public stance against the terrorists within their communities.

Until we see moderate Muslims do the same those outside the Islamic communities will continue to suspect them. All we see of our Muslim communities in Scotland is when they take to the streets in protest against something the UK government has done that they don't like. Maybe if they were as keen to take to the streets in protest (and I applaud their tendency to protest publicly and vocally as opposed to our apathy) at what is being done by fanatics in their name then the rest of us could feel that they are on our side.

In the meantime I got sent an email that shows the pragmatic way Scots deal with just about everything. Yes, it's mostly humorous, but again that's what we do here. If you're the type who's easily offended by humour related to actual incidents then don't read this. You should, though relate the humour to the actual quotes from witnesses listed at the end.

Eyewitness accounts.


American: "Oh my God! There was a man on fire! He was running about, I just ran for my life..I thought I was gonna die, he got so close to me."


Glaswegian "This cunt wis running aboot oan fire, so ah ran up n gave him a good boot, then decked him."


American:"I just wanna get home,away from here..I just wanna get home. I thought I was gonna die!"


Glaswegian: "Here Shug; ah'm no leavin' here tae ah'm oan a fuckin' plane!"


American: "There was pandemonium,people were running in all directions, we didn't know what was hapening. I thought I was gonna die!"


Glaswegian:"Fuck this fur a kerry oan; moan we'll get a pint in."


American: "We thought he was gonna blow us all up. He had a gas canister,and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die. I just ran for my life."


Glaswegian: "Ah swaggers by the motor that wis oan fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot! He wis in fire an a' so ah ran up an gave him a good boot to the baws."


American: There was this huge explosion, it sounded like war. I thought I was gonna die."


Glaswegian: "There wis this big bang, ye know? Like, when ye throw BO basher intae a fire? It wis like that."


American: "I'm too traumatised even to speak, I thought I was gonna die."


Glaswegian: "Here mate, gie's 2 minutes till ah phone ma auld dear, if am gauny be oan the telly ah waant her tae tape it"


Oh and if you want to hear a real hero have a look at www.johnsmeaton.com