Monday, July 23, 2007

Review: Transformers

I've really been looking forward to this one. Which is a bit of a surprise as I couldn't be arsed with the original series. Trite morals, unimaginative scripts and cheap animation wrapped up in a huge advertising campaign just didn't, for some obscure reason, encourage me to watch it. Odd that...

My initial reaction to the idea of a 'live-action' version of this was "Oh no! That'll be crap." took its first hit when I saw the Renault? ads. That shows how good the campaign was, I remember the ad but not the model of car. Limitead as they probably were for some French car manufacturer's sales they did convince me completely that transforming robots in a real-life setting could be done believably. Then I saw the trailers and I thought "That looks like fun!"

Of course, by this time, the nay-sayers were panicking about the director being one Michael Bay. Let's be honest, both his producing and directing credits include some total turkeys. Pearl Harbour anyone? The likes of The Rock gave me hope, though. Yes, his work is totally overblown, generally shallow, and often patronising. He uses a LOT of product-placement. Oh! Wait. That sounds like just the guy for this job, then.

So, we went along (Yes, both of us as Abby was actually off!) and, as expected had a rip-roaring old time. It is everything those nay-sayers said it would be; overblown, self-indulgent and full of product placement. It is also fun, smart and much more grown-up that I thought it would ever be allowed to be, considering that it's still pretty much just a big commercial for the toys. One of my friends had taken her kids along and they absolutely loved it, as the bruises on my thigh will attest to how much the nearest one jumped and bounced in his seat. Finally, someone jumped and laughed more than Abby!

Are there negatives? Hey! It's me!

It has the corniest voice-over opening I've heard in years which, aprt from the cheese factor, manages to contradict the later script by claiming that the Transformers originated on 'The Cube' (Ah! They're Borg, then.) and not on Cybertron as is stated later. The script's full of holes like that. I mean, DefCon Delta? What was up with good-old DefCon One? Not Sci-Fi enough? The technobabble factor is off the scale. Megan Fox, though gorgeous is about as believable as a teenager as the cast of Happy Days (too much time in the sun, m'lady) and is definitely not someone you'd accuse of wearing a training bra. And the film reference in-jokes are often almost too obscure to notice. (Amongst others I spotted Terminator, Kill Bill & The Matrix)

Worst of all for an action movie is that the action is shot in such a way as to be almost incomprehensible. It becomes not only very hard to track what's going on, but which Transformer is involved. It's almost as if Mr Bay didn't trust the CGI to look good enough to be shown clearly in the fights. Perhaps this is the reason it all just starts to get a little dull. If you're lost and can't actually root for the good guy it's hard to stay involved. Of course, about 2/3rds of the way through it seems as if Mr Bay has enough of the story and just goes all out on the action and that means it goes on for a looong time. Sadly, it begins to feel like it and, again, it's mostly because it's poorly shot. This is a great pity, because the fights are brutal. None of that namby-pamby crap from the series. These are giant, heavy, armoured and armed killing machines. Bits get broken off, people die, buildings get flattened and, best of all, Furbys get blown to bits. Not sure that's quite how Hasbro wanted their products placed, but it made me laugh.

This could, and should have been a great action film. It misses the mark, but not by much. It is thrilling in places, just not enough, and it is great fun. As with most Hollywood actioners it requires brains be checked at the door for maximum viewing pleasure.

Afterwards ask yourself these questions:

  1. Why does the Spark only seem to produce Decepticons?
  2. Why is there an Australian student working for the NSA? (Rachael Taylor). And just what purpose does her character actually serve?
  3. How did they manage to get an actor to play a character with a weird name who managed to have an even weirder name that his character? (Shia Saide LaBeouf)
  4. After causing untold havoc in a VERY public fashion, what makes Optimus Prime think that the Autobots will be able to "[hide] in plain sight." and which American government would allow them to?

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